⠀⠀⠀x.
the heart is a muscle. the heart is a muscle, swollen and ugly and split-artery red, throbbing like migraines in the hollow of your chest. one hundred thousand beats a day, sixty exhausted beats per minute; gushing two thousand gallons of that grisly red into your body. the heart is a ––

the heart is a muscle the size of a fist. maybe all you’re meant to do is fight.

begin.

birth name: ⠀jung dowon.
nicknames: ⠀j.d. ⠀
date of birth: ⠀ november 4th, 1994.
sex: ⠀cisgender male,⠀he ⠀/ ⠀him.
birthplace: ⠀ seoul, south korea.
orientation: ⠀ questioning.
⠀ ↠ ⠀ female preference. ⠀
religion: ⠀ agnostic.
economic status: ⠀ lower class.

mother: ⠀jo hyesoo, ⠀estranged.
father: ⠀jung donghyun.
⠀ ↠ ⠀ distant. no contact, bar the phone calls he makes once or twice a year.
siblings: ⠀none, to his knowledge.
occupation: ⠀regularly shifts between jobs– wherever is willing to hire him given his limited qualifications. currently works security at a commercial office block.
education: ⠀chungdam high school ( 2009 – 2013 ).

height: ⠀188 cm, 6'2".
weight: ⠀160 lbs.
body type: ⠀lean, limber. athletic, if not slightly too thin.
eye colour: ⠀deep brown.
hair colour: ⠀black.
skin tone: ⠀tanned, sun-worn.
distinguishing features: ⠀prominent monolids. noticeable height, despite his poor posture. countless scars and lacerations.
faceclaim: ⠀nam joohyuk.

mbti: ⠀isfj.
⠀ ↠ ⠀ introversion, sensing, feeling, judging.
temperament: ⠀chloeric.
alignment: ⠀chaotic neutral.
enneagram: ⠀five.
positive traits: ⠀quick-witted, intelligent, relaxed, observant, humble.
negative traits: ⠀detached, morose, volatile, jealous, blunt.

medical conditions: ⠀abdominal aortic aneurysm⠀( medium ).
⠀ ↠ ⠀sustains ultrasound scans every few months – currently not in need of surgery.

i.
you’re seventeen when you find out there’s a time bomb in your stomach.

the hospital smells like blood and iodine. someone sits besides you, bouquet of white lilies in their hand and when the scent of it catches thick in your throat you realise this is what death must smell like.

your doctor is a funny guy, so much so that when he tells you there’s a hole in your gut you think he might be joking. but then he smacks the ultrasound down in front of you and there it is– a big, gaping cavity in your aorta.

inside your chest, your heart is swelling like a bruise. you wonder if it knows it’s dying too.

tick tock tick tock tick tock.

ii.
you get home that night and tell your father there’s something wrong with your heart. it takes you thirty seconds to realise he’s already drunk himself to sleep.

for once, you understand why people say silence is deafening.

iii.
funny guy thinks you should join a support group. when you get there, you’re not surprised to find everyone else is at least forty years your senior.

you feel like you are rotting; corpse boy, all decaying limbs and burst arteries. in the circle of chairs, you’re wedged between two women who smell like blood and iodine and lillies, and you wish for a moment that your stomach would just split open already. is this how you thought you'd be spending your eighteenth summer?

iv.
you find rebirth in a 7-eleven parking lot, with your face pushed against the cement and copper on your tongue.

later on, when you're slapping a bag of peas up against your busted lip, you'll understand that you picked a fight on purpose. right now, all you can understand is the thumb on your windpipe and your skin, ripped raw––bloody and screaming.

collision: foot, stomach. you cough up something wet, syrup-thick. blood, saliva, your own conscience sweating down your lower lip, dripping into lines on the sidewalk. in the moonlight, blood looks black.

a fist cracks down into your face and shatters your cheekbone apart. you laugh around the grit in your throat.

v.
turns out, more people like being beaten into sodden pulps than you thought. there's an underground fighting ring in hongdae––very hush-hush, very illegal.

the owner likes to call you j.d. you don't tell him you hate it.

you still see your doctor every few months; he asks one or two times if you're doing any strenuous exercise. you say no. the bruise on your lip hurts when you speak.

(the gap in your artery is growing. you only hope someone hits you hard enough someday to blow it open completely.)

under co.

⠀ ⠀ 001. ⠀f / m.
someone who volunteers at the support group dowon attends for his health condition. they're drawn by his peculiarity ( young age, reluctance to contribute, beat-up appearance ) and decide to chance a conversation.
⠀ ↠ ⠀additionally, someone who frequents the same support group and meets dowon after they're paired to talk together. must have some kind of ailment that affects the heart.

⠀ ⠀ 002. ⠀f / m.
co-workers, past and present. dowon never keeps a job for long ( mostly entry-level, menial work ), but he's bound to have made connections in some of his roles.

⠀ ⠀ 003. ⠀f.
an ex-girlfriend. the two of them are caught in an on-again / off-again relationship; with each reunion, they spiral into something increasingly more destructive and unhealthy. arguing, manipulating; all mind games and toxicity.

⠀ ⠀ 004. ⠀f / m.
a friend who has long since learnt the futility of asking personal questions. if being around dowon has taught them anything, it's to keep quiet––so they do. even when he comes home with blood on his teeth and a split in his brow.

⠀ ⠀ 005. ⠀f.
though he's given up on the prospect of romance, he still itches for companionship. fwbs, hook-ups, etc.

mun and muse are both 18+. circumstances of the muse allow room for a number of sensitive topics to be breached. however, but i won't write anything sexually explicit with minors.

i always mirror literacy: be it novella, para, script, illit, etc. i'd prefer threads over casual conversations, but either is fine! bare in mind i can be a very slow replier.

muse is based loosely around characters from chuck palahniuk's fight club. i don't take credit for anything aside from my own personal tweaks and development.

plotting is always welcome and encouraged. i'm shy so i can be apprehensive about approaching people first, but hmu and we can sort something out!

i'm pretty selective with who i follow, and will probably softblock if i feel you have no intention of interacting. it's worth saying that i likely won't interact with gen muses unless we're good friends ooc.

no ooc drama. keep it ic.

rewind.